


you would always protect me with your strong hands (and I would always look for you when you needed)

by Skeliae Verat (Verat)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5 Times, A lot of hugs, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, LITERALLY, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Slash, and a lot of hugs, and there's scenes before and during Captain America: The First Avenger, there's a scene post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, time what time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1842091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verat/pseuds/Skeliae%20Verat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Bucky hid Steve in his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you would always protect me with your strong hands (and I would always look for you when you needed)

**Author's Note:**

> The names of the parts (all of them) are phrases of the song The Kids From Yesterday, by My Chemical Romance.  
> (aaaand one more fic!)  
> (and yes people in my stories love to bite lips and frown and keep silent)

**i. when we were young we used to say (that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break)**

Steve’s first experience with a broken heart wasn’t any good. None of them are but his, especially, was the kind that make you want to curl up in the floor and wish that the world would swallow you whole. The girl didn’t even told him she wasn’t going — she just left him waiting, left his hope be slowly fading as the hours gone by (and he wished never have to talk to anyone again).

It was Bucky who found him because — well, because it was always Bucky who found him. He didn’t say anything, not before he sit beside Steve nor after. It’s not what we all should want when we’re sad? Steve knew he could count with Bucky, and that’s the reason why he didn’t tell anything about what happened — his best friend didn’t need to hear about it when he already knew, when he already felt it.

“We could just sit here all day”, Bucky said, soft voice, and his hands searched Steve’s arms, tugging him near. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Steve kept quiet for long enough to the brunet starts to hum a song — something between Baby Please Don’t Go¹ and a melody he didn’t recognize.

“I wouldn’t, too”, Steve finally agreed, and left his head rest in Bucky’s shoulders — because he could, because it was safe, because his friend would never hurt him and his quiet comfort was all he needed in that moment.

Bucky kept humming until after the sunset. ( _And Steve never discovered the second song's name_ )

 

**ii. they only care if you can bleed**

“Don’t do this to yourself”, Bucky told him after they left the hospital and arrived in the Rogers’s house. He had a reprimand in his eyes, and Steve could feel the frustration burning in his stomach.

“But I‒”

“I know. _I know_ it’s not fair and that you couldn’t just look as they beat the boy but why can’t you understand?”, Bucky seemed as frustrated as him. “ _You can’t win all the fights_ , pal. And one day I could not be there to help you. What are you going to do, then? It’s bad enough if I keep worrying about you doing stupid and dangerous things but it’s _worse_ if I know you don’t care.”

“It’s not that I don’t care”, Steve replied. “I’m just not going to sit and watch a lot of bullies scaring a kid!”, it was more than Bucky could stand

“You’re a kid too!” he snapped. “ _For god’s sake, Steve, you’re fifteen!_ What do you want, get yourself killed?”

And it’s not that they used to fight or that Steve was easily angry — but he was tired and all his body hurt and he didn’t want to be treated like a child (not anymore).

“I had them on the ropes, you didn’t need to help! _Why do you even care_ , Bucky?”

The brunet looked at him like Steve had just slapped him.

“Why do I‒” he stopped himself and shook his head. “You didn’t ask me this. No. You can’t just… _Why do I even care?_ Oh my God, why are you so _**stupid**_ , Steve?” Bucky threw his arms in the air and started to walk through the room. “Why can’t you just accept that I do care about you? Why can’t you see it? I ever did!” when he turned to Steve again his lips were trembling. “It’s really so hard to believe it? To believe in me?”

There was a knot in Steve’s throat.

 _It’s not like this_ , he wanted to say. Because it wasn’t. He knew that Bucky cared, he believed him, it was just‒

“Why me?”

“What?”

“Why me?” Steve swallowed. “You could have been friends with anyone, anytime you wanted. Why’d you choose me?”

The answer was almost immediate.

“Because you’re you, you idiot.” Bucky sighed, and approached him tentatively, arms closing around his waist. “You’re always trying your best and doing what’s right, doesn’t matter how people try to tell you otherwise or try to change your mind. You’re honest and you’re gentle and you’re stupid. And, hell, you can be more stubborn than me! Do I need more reasons than these ones?”

Steve’s lips bowed in an almost imperceptible smile as he placed his hands in Bucky’s back.

“So it wasn’t because of my incredible good looks?”

Bucky laughed.

“No, it wasn’t because of your incredible good looks.”

 

**iii. so hold on tight and don’t look back**

The day was dark and dreary the day Joseph Rogers died. Steve couldn’t watch the whole funeral because of an asthma attack — and as he sit in the hospital chair, dizzy while the whole world revolved, the only thing he could do was hide his face in Bucky’s shoulder.

“Everything will be okay, right, punk? Believe me. Just this time, believe me. Everything will be okay.”

Steve wasn’t so sure but he didn’t say anything.

**iv. yell it out ‘till your heart stop beating**

It didn’t matter what Steve had thought, Bucky kept that idea that he needed to be in his apartment every night after the Steve’s mom funeral. He would always crawl beside Steve in the bed and wrap his arms around the blonde, frowning at the slimness of his friend. Sometimes, he would even whispers things like “you need to eat more” or ask Steve how was he doing — always with that worried expression — but not that night. That night, he decided he was going to sing.

“ _I was standing by the window_ ”, he started hesitantly, “ _on one cold and cloudy day, and I saw the hearse come rolling, for to carry my mother away._ ”

Steve frowned.

“What are you‒”

“ _Can the circle be unbroken, bye and bye, lord, bye and bye._ ” Bucky stopped for a moment, swallowing hard. “ _There’s a better home a-waiting, in the sky, lord, in the sky._ ” Steve’s eyes gone wide.

“Stop.”

“ _Lord, I told the undertaker, “undertaker, please drive slow, for this body you are hauling‒_ ”

“Bucky, stop!”

“ _Lord, I hate to see her go._ ”² Bucky bit his lip. “Why do you keep acting like it’s okay? You don’t need to hide, Steve. Not from me. You never need to hide from me, ok? Let it go. Just let it go. It’s hurting you, it’s making you suffer and I don’t like to see you this way.”

Steve stared at him, eyes filled with tears.

“Why do you keep doing things like this?” he whispered in a sob, and Bucky’s arms tightened around him.

“Because I know you. Because I know you better than I know myself.”

 

**v. ‘cause you only live forever in the lights you make**

“What are you doing?”, Steve looked at him in shock.

A Bucky deadly tired and full of bandages sat at his side, resting his back in the tree and throwing an arm around his shoulders — and it was a bit difficult because Steve wasn’t so skinny anymore but he didn’t complain.

“Don’t make so much noise, punk, or you’re going to wake up the others.”, Bucky whispered, blinking slowly. His body felt heavy because of the remedies he had to take but at least it wasn’t hurting so much anymore. It was a victory, right?

“ _You should be resting_.”

“I _am_ resting, pal. And, just in case you doesn’t know, you can be taller than me now and have this super-soldier thing but it doesn’t mean you don’t need me. You keep being Steve. I keep knowing you. Now, spit it out.”

Steve glanced at him.

“Spit out what?”

“Just stop being stubborn spit it out, man.” Bucky smiled.

Steve’s shoulders fell and his expression darkened.

“I thought‒” he swallowed. “I thought you were dead. I kept thinking that I wasn’t going to find you and doesn’t matter how hard I tried I couldn’t… People kept looking at me and I knew they was pitying me because they thought you were dead too. I know that we’re doing this for our country but I can’t do it alone. I can’t do it without you, Bucky, and the only thing I could think is that you wasn’t by my side anymore.”

“You were scared.”

“Yes.”

“You thought about giving up? I mean, for me? If I really…” Bucky waited for an answer but Steve just looked away, blushing.

Silence.

“I’m sorry.” Steve whimpered.

“It’s okay.” Bucky smiled softly, and struggled to place a kiss in his friend’s temple. “You don’t need to be. I know how it is. And there’s no reason to fear because you’re not going to lose me.”

 

( _Bucky Barnes never intended to lie but life decided otherwise_ )

( _Steve lost him_ )

 

**\+ I’ll find you when the sun goes black**

It was late at night and Steve had his arms crossed behind his neck, eyes closed. Lost in his thoughts he almost couldn’t hear the soft knock in the door — when it opened, anyway, he sat, body all tensed.

“Steve?” Bucky’s undertone made the tension go away. “It’s me, Bucky. May I… Can I come in?”

“I… huh… Yeah.”

The brunet came like he expected that something would jump from the shadows and try to kill him. Considering the last night’s nightmares Steve wouldn’t even talk that it was overrated — also, it really made him feel better to know that Bucky trusted him enough to come when he had a nightmare.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” the answer was immediate.

“No.” Bucky frowned. “I… Just… Can I lay with you?”

Steve blinked.

“Of course.”

Bucky approached the bed slowly, as if letting time for Steve to change his mind. When he realized the blonde wouldn’t, he finally laid. The first thing he did was to reach for Steve’s arms, closing them around himself — and, well, _that_ was unexpected.

“You…”

“Feels safe.” Bucky blurted out, and shrank. “If you want I can‒”

“No. It’s okay.”, Steve smiled to himself, thinking about old times. “You used to do this to me always I had a bad time.”

Bucky remained silent before he answered, quietly.

“I wish I could remember it.”, he hesitated. “Do you… Do you believe that the memories will come back? I mean, do you believe I can… Be “Bucky” again?”

Steve thought for a second.

“Yes. I believe the memories will come back. You don’t need to worry about this now.”

“But… This…” Bucky hesitated. “You loved him. You still do. And I’m not‒ what if I never can be him?”

“You are who you are; James, Bucky or”, Steve bit his lip, “Winter Soldier. I loved you then and I love you now. This isn’t going to change.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

Bucky tentatively cracked a smile.

“I think I like how it sounds.”

**Author's Note:**

> ¹Baby Please Don’t Go is a song from 1935 by Big Joe Williams and the melody Steve couldn’t recognize was Tumbling Tumbleweeds from 1934 by The Sons of the Pioneers.  
> ²Can The Circle Be Unbroken is another song from 1935 and it’s from The Carter Family that for me it’s absolutely heartbreaking.  
> This Bucky/Steve thing of "he will love him even if Bucky's not Bucky anymore" is a headcanon of mine. I mean, I don't think Bucky could ever be what he was before, he's a changed man now. Steve knows it, understands, and he will be there to support the person he loves. It all ends in rainbows! (or no but in my head yes, ok?)  
> (I had something more to say but I forgot?)


End file.
